Posted by on March 13, 2018

I haven’t been having the best time of things lately. Life is very different to where I thought it would be just a few months ago and I’m struggling with that. I have been caught up in my own head and questioning a lot of things. One of those questions is wondering if I’m letting my guard down too easily with some people and being a burden to others. I have distanced myself from those who I’ve come to realise aren’t in my corner which is great, but the hurt and anger is difficult to let go of and I find I am falling into bad habits of thinking about it too much and I end up getting consumed by it. Then I talk about it with those closest and that is where I feel like I’m the burden. I question talking to anyone, after I was told that I talk way too much about my problems and it gets tiresome. From then on I find I withdraw more and more and when I do let my guard down and begin unloading I shut down again fairly quickly as that persons words take over and I wonder what I may have said this time to potentially make those around me roll their eyes, “not this again.” I withdrew so far that I struggled to function.

I am aware of the irony of saying I shut up yet here I am posting this. To me this blog is talking to everyone and yet to no one. I have always been one to express what I really feel in writing. That way my thoughts don’t get jumbled and I don’t break down in the middle of it. It is all there in black and white and the difference with this is that I am not looking at anyone once I hit the publish button. Yes it is to a wider audience but again the point of this blog is to let others know they are not alone. I am not giving up. The dark clouds will scatter and I will live my life as I should be living it but for now it’s still a struggle so please understand if I unload and quickly shut down again. I have a lot of baggage to work through…

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